“Oh snap. Life happened and I wasn’t ready. Like, what in the world is going on? How am I supposed to maneuver through this?” Maybe you’ve uttered these words before, or some variations of it. Congratulations, you have made it to the other side of a life altering event. Whether you are struggling in an emotional pit, or you a proclaiming victory from mountain tops; you have probably entered your “New Normal”. If you are not familiar with this phrase, this is basically life after a major event where the status quo no longer resides. In this phase, you are presented with internal conflicts, as well as external, that make you question life itself. Maybe you have recently experienced the loss of a loved one, you were fired from your job, the doctor has diagnosed you with a chronic disease, or your favorite show has been cancelled; this idea of the “New Normal” applies to you. I would like to mention that this also applies to the glorious moments like the birth of a child, marriage, and other things of that nature.
Phases of Your New Normal…
1. Uhhhhh….What in the World?
You have encountered an event that has hit you like a ton of bricks. At this point, you are probably at a loss for words. You can’t really fathom the idea of something like this, happening to someone like you.
2. Woe is Me.
Not only is this phase expected, but honestly I encourage it. This is the part of your journey that will help you to bring awareness to your insecurities and things that you view as obstacles in your life. You dive into what is now your new reality and you begin to pick it apart. You are probably pointing out all of the negative things involved in this life altering event. JUST DON’T STAY HERE!!!!!
3. Reflecting on the Past.
It is very important to know where you have come from, in order to know where you are going. Reflection presents you the opportunity digest the memories that have shaped you into the person you are today. Be careful not to dwell in the past, as you can begin to find things that you will use as ammunition towards yourself.
4. Appreciating the past for what it is… the past.
Yearning for the past is human nature, but it is also very unproductive and oftentimes toxic. It impedes on our progress in life, as it becomes hard for us to accept our reality, and prevents us from moving forward. As an example, say someone in your family is diagnosed with a terminal illness. You begin to reflect on the past…and then you stay there. You begin questioning God on why this is happening. But the problem is that you are not appreciating your loved one in this moment. You are robbing yourself of who they are today, and the benevolence they have to offer NOW. The way that life works, is that we are the author of our story, not the editor. Therefore, we can’t go back and make edits in the past. We can take the past for what it is, and use it to prepare us for the future.
5. Finding the Value in the Moment.
Living in the present allows us to fully experience/engage/love what is in front of us. After all, the success of your future, is dictated by your ability to pay attention and conquer the present. We all have pains and conflicts in our life. The best way to deal with it, is to actually face it. This requires you to accept the present, and face your problems head on.
“I seen a baby cry then seconds later she laughed. The beauty of life, the pain never lasts.” Like the proverbial lyricist J.Cole illustrates in his song “The Badness”, this is an honest observation of life. Just as the baby cries, and then finds happiness…we too experience emotional rollercoasters as such. It is okay to feel! It is okay to question why this situation was brought upon you. The problem is when you allow this event to separate you from your purpose in life. It is my hopes that you don’t lose that grip on your life’s purpose. Even if your only holding on by your pinky, allow the wonder of tomorrow to allow you to refocus and embrace this new journey. Good luck my friend.